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Author Topic: Request Everyone Kick My Ass For Being A Romantic Social Retard.  (Read 70 times)

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Arius Didymus

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It's been many years since I've allowed myself a real girlfriend,  I took the end to my relationship that broke up in Iraq really hard,  and started scrutinizing every aspect of myself. I started to feel like a idiot fool completely undeserving of every kiss I stopped feeling I deserved,  because in the end I was just a boytoy being used for dick,  as a fashion statement "army guy" to show off. Looking back,  I realize I liked her a lot more than she liked me. A lot of gullibility goes into that trust. I know INTJs can really beat themselves up,  because the circuit that links emotive personal theories,  for someone like Arcturus Descending,  is separated by two separate brain regions,  that mutate the raw force of childhood memories,  such as unconditional love for a mother. We have that emotion, just as strong,  but we are something other too,  distant,  controlling of it.

I met a girl I really liked,  I easily fall for straight hair brunettes,  but I started clamping down doubting myself suddenly. Absolutely nothing wrong with her,  but then I just started getting flashbacks to my sitting on a Bunker in Iraq,  peering out past a concrete wall,  watching the sun rise on a umpteenth day,  unable to fix a dear john letter for a good 9 months more. Damn place was a concrete he'll prison with mortars and the occasion middle flying in to distract me.

Never really felt like I deserved to be in a relationship after that. I've mostly stayed away. Not completely,  but mostly. I've lived a sorta celebrate lifestyle,  strictly no contact. As my business keeps very slowly and painfully lurching forward,  I realize soon I'll be in a position to settle down. I didn't think I would be the kind of guy to have fear of commitment,  but I think I do now,  in a lost of confidence in myself,  in being even worthwhile to anyone else. I see a lot of people in good relationships,  and just doesn't feel like I can ever authentically have that,  without stealing the effects and not the substance. It's like I'm Teflon to real attachment from women. I'm just someone to pass time with,  not actually marriage or father material,  not spend the rest of your life with sort of person. I'm just the commercial passing the time between the parts of someone else's show,  and I really don't like that.

I'm also paranoid I've been outside of a relationship so long,  that I have more bad habits than good,  that I'm disgusting,  bad mannered,  selfish. I never expect guests so rarely clean up,  only on occasion. It would be much nicer,  not Spartan if I had expected anyone. I don't. I gave up at some point,  pulled back.

A lot of women hit on me,  and I just never connect. Yes,  I have that well documented and discussed brunette fetish, but I so rarely see I woman I can connect to on the intellectual level, and emotionally. I'm usually well ahead and calm emotionally, it's rare someone preempts me, throws me off guard,  makes me reconsider my actions. I don't like being nervous and intrigued,  and like I said,  lots of bad habits. At some point,  I morphed from a confident paratrooper into the equivalent of Joel Barrish from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  At age 18, I never would of expected that as the eventuality.

I know I want a woman,  and to settle down. Have kids. I'm not sure I'm really worth anything anymore. Don't think I really ever was.  I don't even remember how to sit on a couch anymore running my fingers through a woman's hair on my lap,  or walking constantly in hand to hand embrace. I was always too tactile,  emotive,  embracing. I was a contradiction,  she didn't realize how introverted I was in the beginning, I opened up to her,  but failed to connect with friends. She would burst out crying,  to my horror,  cause I said hello when introduced and stood by her side as she talked. Small talk never comes easy. I'm just quiet. Only time I talk is small groups of friends,  or at work,  or when my extrovert capacity emerges in debates. Other than that,  I'm a lone wolf.

Maybe I should just dissapear and not dissapoint her. I gotta be a certain train wreck. I like her though. Wish it was a few months from now,  Summer,  when I could better afford this. We don't live close. I'm very worried about just being turned into a momentary boy toy. I don't feel like a boy. I ache. I'm 33 years old,  instead of a wife,  I have a stupid hernia. I'm no longer simple,  I'm very complex. I'm also immature and simple in other ways. I'm not trusting of my past instincts and experiences. I don't want to be gullible and fall in love with someone who regards me as a passing fad and a dildo. That's essentially what I feel like,  a **** stupid worthless dildo after all these tears, with immature emotions and childish desires for companionship. I always ever needed just one person,  not a crowd.

I know Satyr is up to the task of destroying me on utter bullshit. Sink the dagger in deep,  twist and break the handle off. I think Trixie can put in positive effort too. I'm just going to think about how horribly I suck and hope she has enough common sense to pick up I'm a wreck of a individual, not normal,  and moves on. I won't have to hate myself for screwing up then. Or maybe a car will hit me tomorrow.

Gonna go double check to see if she contacted me again. Hopefully not. I gotta look though.

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Satyr

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Who are you trying to fool, me, or yourself?
This thread is a cry for help.
Unfortunately what I'm good at is observing and analyzing behavior, not tarot cards, or astrological readings.
What I do is not magical, only extraordinary.
I would have to observe you directly, if I am to fill in the missing details, because I've already diagnosed you as an incorrigible liar and pretender, of the American type.
Like ****-Stain....all bragging and infantile methods of trying to impress and cultivate a specific image.

Your experiences in the army is where you are stuck.
Must be a seminal point in your development. Took you out of a mundane upbringing, placed you in exceptional, exciting, circumstances, but not really....because armed service is routine, regimentation of time, or how war was described by another..."long periods of boredom separated by moments of sheer terror", or something like that.
It's the 'terror' we miss in our modern lifestyles - so we seek it in movies and hyperbolic sexual affairs, or adrenaline highs and adrenaline depressing narcotics.   

I doubt you came to philosophy because you were curious about the world, or how life works.
You came to it for help, like what drew you back to Christianity, seeking a self-help manual, or insights into why you are as lonely and unhappy as you are.
What you describe as an absence of connectivity with others - they disappointing you, you disappointing them.
You pretend to be offering personal, intimate, details in all your posts, - self-assessments really - wanting others to enter your world, become participants in your life, to alleviate this loneliness, but most of it is hyperbole, inflating or deflating half-truths because you cannot bring yourself to speak of it, openly, or to admit it, to yourself.
Saying something honest would be a undesired admission.

Did you not admit that you preferred paradoxes?
It's how you escape being seen - word-games rather than clarity, because you fear that what you see will be too much for you to handle.
You, like most others, love the idea that you are incomprehensible, that human beings are so complex that nobody can know anyone.
All is a conundrum, you find relieving.
You make a point out of contradicting yourself, to substantiate this desired escape. 
To not be fully seen, or to remain too contradictory to be comprehended, offering you the leeway to cultivate that image.

It works, when you are dealing with mediocrity.....in other words for the vast majority of the people you come in contact with, but fooling them can only be fulfilling for a short time.
So, you come on-line looking for a challenge. A higher and longer term fulfillment.
But, how long can a relationship based on exaggerations and secrets last, and how fulfilling can it be when you know its based on inflating and deflating the facts?
You innately know the image is a poor reflection of who you truly are, even when it convinces some naive other.     

What you expect from 'philosophy' is a solution, or access to people of a 'higher' caliber to give you what you cannot find on your own.
It's why most of your posts are banter, and charming personal anecdotes cultivating an image to attract the 'right' kind of people....particularly of the feminine kind.
But the image is not really you, but how you wish to be perceived, and so you attract the needy, seeing in the inflated image a compensation for their of deficiencies, or hypocrites, seeing in you themselves.
You're not, really, extraordinary, in this respect.
The majority approaches philosophy in the same way.
For healing.
For solutions to their personal issues.
For validation of what they've already decided is the 'truth', or a truth they can live with.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2017, 07:27:24 am by Satyr »
Know Thyself

Arius Didymus

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I will give you a A as far as effort in substituting your own philosophy,  projecting it on myself,  raising yourself in substantively in the process. Not very useful.

Of course half of philosophy derives from reactive utilization,  it was this way in Stoic arguments in the invalidty in being moved by the actions of tyrants,  or in boethius' consolations of philosophy. Christianity didn't invent this concept,  but exhibited it better than any philosophy of the ancient world. Such as in the case of St. Perpetua,  a circumstance that cares not for your ignorant ramblings and superstitious suppositions. But that's hardly the reason I embrace Christianity.

Emotions are reactive by default, I don't have emotions preordained because they fit my philosophy,  but rather my circumstance. I enjoy the challenge of new circumstance,  as it is my nature. My ancestors for centuries were always pioneers,  finding excitement and opportunity just over the horizon. Many of my ancestors brothers or cousins died in pioneering,  the ones who lived were cut throat.

Life is boredom punctuated by momements of terror,  for the same reason Buddha's was continuous sorrow,  or a hendonist joy. My philosophy is Ethics seeking understanding of survival vs death,  against every hostility, how individuals,  institutions,  society,  man survives and growths more healthy and removed from death. Naturally terror, the fight and flight response,  the techniques of heroism or ciwardness,  discipline and command would be forefront in my considerations. Societies unable to consider this die off from the unexpected. That's what underlines the theory if Vices and Virtues in Ancient Greece,  or of Dharma in India,  or if the Tao by the proto-daoists. All were motivated by the same careful considerations, it was alwats as muchba theory of governingbthe self and others as much as a spirutual understanding. I do not know which is more comforting,  joy,  or the realization of a predictable,  safe,  and perpetual understanding that explains how to safely gain joy for others to likewise obtain,  a well in parch land,  a oasis in the desert that sustains life. I don't want a fleeting artistic grasp on things,  I want the enduring understanding that can be understood axiomatic,  given to others to improve life later on. A man who knows not the secret to starting a fire can enjoy burning meat in a bush fire,  in a momentary, fleeting joy,  but a prometheus derives satisfaction in the actual,  voluntary replication of it. Fire was paradoxical,  only comprehended in cause in effect- fuel and ignition, but the physics beyond this presumed. Something accurate,  always limiting in that it was of a construct that failed to reveal. Empericism is always bounded by our logical grasp on physics, such as the Aperion. You presume a super symmetry,  I dismiss it,  our genius to grasping comes from paradoxes in situ,  with things,  and when circumstances are observed without, allowing us to fall into diagnosis. Etiology isn't limited by aesthetics,  but expectations. It is only a fountainhead if we allow it to flow freely,  unevenly,  to be a mess of things,  destroying the beauty of prior assumptions,  when is observably destroys our best learned presumptions. I may be a Stouc,  but cannot agree with Chryssipus and his scheme to tie the world down logically,  despite advocating logic with equal vigor. The world,  simply put,  can't be expressed in a syllogism. Such reasoning always leads to paradoxical presumptions.

But yes,  this thread is a cry for help. I'm being self destructive,  and don't want to have unseen or misunderstood tendencies move in me,  breaking myself off from essential desires out of fear of being hurt,  stopping me from connecting. I simply put,  don't know what kind of blocks I've built up over the years. To want a woman involves traveling a psychic minefield built up damn near over a decade of caution. To lose love,  to have it trampled as something so meaningless, and given absurd lengths of time to consider it removed me from it, while protecting it. The impulse doesn't ever die off, but so many understandings are vestigial. I am not the individual I once was,  elements remain,  but life and the pursuit of truth has lead to to a damn many places and circumstance,  and in that time,  I have changed substantially as well. I can't be 20 anymore in my love,  I'm a older,  more worldly and experienced man. A long shadow of experience falls before me in my wake,  but the essential impulse if attraction and embrace is universal and always new. It is what keeps the human machine humming,  renewing. How compatible is the Psyche of man with love,  beyond the mere persuit of Eros?  How much of a man can be realistically given,  what are the best and preferred parts to give?

I am of course,  a fool for asking of all people, they two of you,  but I embrace paradox,  and have time to question either of your absurdities here for unexpected insights.

Arius Didymus

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Decided no. Today was my birthday,  it's been tough.

Satyr

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I will give you a A as far as effort in substituting your own philosophy,  projecting it on myself,  raising yourself in substantively in the process. Not very useful.
How generously you dismiss, master of allusion.

Quote
Of course half of philosophy derives from reactive utilization, it was this way in Stoic arguments in the invalidty in being moved by the actions of tyrants,  or in boethius' consolations of philosophy. Christianity didn't invent this concept,  but exhibited it better than any philosophy of the ancient world.
Your evaluation is very Christian: selective, self-comforting, and nihilistic, dismissing everything that does not fit into its presumptuous narrative as being worthless, or evil, or inferior.
The reaction is the validation.
Illness making itself better by claiming to be a new kind of health - the dis-ease asserting itself over health numerically, by the dint of popular appeal.
Nature as tyranny. 

Quote
Such as in the case of St. Perpetua, a circumstance that cares not for your ignorant ramblings and superstitious suppositions. But that's hardly the reason I embrace Christianity.
Hardly, the reason.
Emotion, definitely, not reason.
Christianity is built on superstitious presuppositions.
How, else, would the slave hope to usurp his lot in life, and promise himself the worthiness of eternal life, and salvation form the primordial, from nature, and the determining past?
Religion of the slave.
How popular it has become, in the Age of the wage-slave.
Bonds of slavery, connecting the heterogeneous in a brotherhood of suffering victims.

Do you not find in that image your own self reflected as a noble sacrifice an appealing image?
What are you willing to sacrifice for your own salvation?     

Quote
Emotions are reactive by default, I don't have emotions preordained because they fit my philosophy, but rather my circumstance.
Your "philosophy" is a an emotional reaction to your circumstances.
Seeing through them would demands a level of detachment you have not, yet, proven you are capable of.
I fear, if you were, you wold be stuck there finding in detachment a relief so many others have become addicted to.

Quote
I enjoy the challenge of new circumstance,  as it is my nature. My ancestors for centuries were always pioneers,  finding excitement and opportunity just over the horizon. Many of my ancestors brothers or cousins died in pioneering,  the ones who lived were cut throat.
Carrying with them comforting superstitions, and suppositions, into the great unknown.
A way to give themselves courage, and to tell themselves that what they had no choice in, was of their own volition.

Quote
Life is boredom punctuated by momements of terror,  for the same reason Buddha's was continuous sorrow,  or a hendonist joy.
Ha!!
Hedonists pursue continuous distraction from need/suffering.....hardly a joyous motive.
Joy is their pretense, a way of coping with their misery.

What do you seek in the great unknown frontiers of the mind?
An excuse to continue on?
Validation for your journey?
A way to give yourself, and your suffering, meaning, value?

Quote
My philosophy is Ethics seeking understanding of survival vs death, against every hostility, how individuals,  institutions,  society,  man survives and growths more healthy and removed from death. Naturally terror, the fight and flight response,  the techniques of heroism or ciwardness,  discipline and command would be forefront in my considerations.
Is not your "philosophy" Christianity?
What confuses you, or challenges your understanding of survival versus death?
Is there such a conflict in your Christian mind?
Why not die and enjoy eternal peace and freedom from suffering? Why not quicken the inevitable?
Such dilemmas only reside in a sick, Abrahamic, psyche.

Why not begin by understanding what ETHICS are?
Have you rejected Evolution Theory? If not, begin by exploring what evolutionary purpose morality would serve, in relation to survival.
Then, from Gene to Meme, explore how this evolved method became encoded, a tablet of Commandment, a social system of behavioral rules, enforced by the fear of God, and then by the fear of State. 
If you've rejected Evolution Theory, seek in your Biblical entrapment a paradoxical excuse for God's evil allowances. 

Quote
Societies unable to consider this die off from the unexpected. That's what underlines the theory if Vices and Virtues in Ancient Greece,  or of Dharma in India,  or if the Tao by the proto-daoists. All were motivated by the same careful considerations, it was alwats as muchba theory of governingbthe self and others as much as a spirutual understanding. I do not know which is more comforting,  joy,  or the realization of a predictable,  safe,  and perpetual understanding that explains how to safely gain joy for others to likewise obtain,  a well in parch land,  a oasis in the desert that sustains life. I don't want a fleeting artistic grasp on things, I want the enduring understanding that can be understood axiomatic,  given to others to improve life later on.
Where would one, with such ambitions, begin?
How to harmonize the metaphysical with the already experienced, and yet to be fully understood, physical.

Quote
A man who knows not the secret to starting a fire can enjoy burning meat in a bush fire,  in a momentary, fleeting joy,  but a prometheus derives satisfaction in the actual,  voluntary replication of it.
Therefore, a man begins with a need...the need to eat, to replenish lost energies.
He then wonders how he can facilitate satisfying this need, how to make it more appetizing.
Then, on a full belly, he can question this need, and wonder why it is so persistent, desiring to distance self form it, as if it belonged to another, and gazing into the fire he can then have an epiphany when he realizes the fire is consuming the wood. 

Quote
Fire was paradoxical,  only comprehended in cause in effect- fuel and ignition, but the physics beyond this presumed.
Fire was the metaphor, connecting the need, desire, with what lay beyond it.
An artistic way to make the incomprehensible, more intimate.
Is not all language such a artistic device?

Quote
Something accurate,  always limiting in that it was of a construct that failed to reveal. Empericism is always bounded by our logical grasp on physics, such as the Aperion. You presume a super symmetry,  I dismiss it,  our genius to grasping comes from paradoxes in situ,  with things,  and when circumstances are observed without, allowing us to fall into diagnosis.
I perceive symmetry, I do not presume it...nor do I assume it is in all, for I also assume chaos, and the ugliness of asymmetry, as the absence of symmetry, making it all the more precious to a life that relies on order, IS Ordering, finding symmetry and proportionally irresistible.
Aperion?
Is that a rock group, or did you mean apeiro {άπειρο}?

Quote
Etiology isn't limited by aesthetics,  but expectations.
And yet aesthetics have been so effective.

Quote
It is only a fountainhead if we allow it to flow freely,  unevenly,  to be a mess of things,  destroying the beauty of prior assumptions,  when is observably destroys our best learned presumptions. I may be a Stouc,  but cannot agree with Chryssipus and his scheme to tie the world down logically,  despite advocating logic with equal vigor. The world,  simply put,  can't be expressed in a syllogism. Such reasoning always leads to paradoxical presumptions.
What must be "tied down" is human reason, before it goes off into fantasy land, and imagine alternate worlds, and alternate life.
Mystery is part of world, in the form of complexity, the unknown, and, in my world-view, the Pagan one, as chaos, randomness, the unknowable.
Resisting the temptation to mystify the known, so as to escape what it reveals, only makes things worse, by fabricating a false mystery, a mystification, where none is present, and where enough chaos already exists without contributing to it our own anxiety based confusions.

Quote
But yes,  this thread is a cry for help. I'm being self destructive,  and don't want to have unseen or misunderstood tendencies move in me,  breaking myself off from essential desires out of fear of being hurt,  stopping me from connecting. I simply put,  don't know what kind of blocks I've built up over the years.
And by 'blocks" would mean in relation to women and sexual relationships, and not the Christian "blocks" preventing you from relating to nature.
But, perhaps, the two are not so different.

Quote
To want a woman involves traveling a psychic minefield built up damn near over a decade of caution.
Particularly when it is in a female's nature to be cautious, unless she's raised in the presumption of her own safety, and social status already ensured, as a God given "right", or a State enforced one.

Quote
To lose love, to have it trampled as something so meaningless, and given absurd lengths of time to consider it removed me from it, while protecting it.
How naively romantic you are.
Such an idealism cannot have refused Christianity.

Quote
The impulse doesn't ever die off, but so many understandings are vestigial.
The organism revels the visceral essence of the individual.

Quote
I am not the individual I once was,  elements remain,  but life and the pursuit of truth has lead to to a damn many places and circumstance,  and in that time,  I have changed substantially as well. I can't be 20 anymore in my love,  I'm a older,  more worldly and experienced man. A long shadow of experience falls before me in my wake,  but the essential impulse if attraction and embrace is universal and always new. It is what keeps the human machine humming,  renewing. How compatible is the Psyche of man with love,  beyond the mere persuit of Eros?  How much of a man can be realistically given, what are the best and preferred parts to give?
Intimacy is a lie.
Passion of existing.
Man seeking completion, or compensation for his suffering. The eternal delight in the hunt, and the motivating insatiable hunger. 

Quote
I am of course,  a fool for asking of all people, they two of you,  but I embrace paradox,  and have time to question either of your absurdities here for unexpected insights.
Another attempt to hide.
No paradox, but only in the mind seeking to detach from the real, and from himself.
Language contradicted by actions, refusing to connect, desiring to cultivate a paradox, of confusing ink in the water.s of space/time...to escape being seen.

Only paradox is between what you tell yourself, and how you then contradict what you said.

Paradox of confusing the metaphor, for the apparent, the ideal for the real, the noumenon for the phenomenon. 
Mind can lie, not the body. The body can only hide, even form itself, from the mind, as the recognition of Self.
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lord of the internet

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Fool for asking us, probably the smartest people on the internet? Would you rather have gone on some dating boards and asked a bunch of simpletons? My what a girl you are, deep down you want to be hurt but fear the hurt. The truth hurts, especially when it's mixed with love, rational mind isn't really active to process it correctly.

Your whole post reads like a girl trapped in the wrong body, actually the majority of yours do lately. Then you will say I have some agenda to trannify you or something...I'm not some cartoon villian sitting in a high chair chewing my pinky waiting for you to go trans. I could care less if you cut off your balls. If tommorow you cut off your balls or if you keep them for 50 years I could care less. I have no agenda for you. All I can do is see things and report them as I see them, I am an information processing device. My agenda has and I'll say it before and I will say it again, is to feminize women and get a harem of women to serve my every need, just like episode 2 of trixie.

Ill say what you are. You are a malfunctioning asexual like tesla, too smart for your own good. Its like this subconscious sense that you cannot connect with the simpletons around you. When shes with you, you dont really feel a permanence, like you are a Fraud like Satyr said you are. You dont really feel a geniune connection, the sex and playing with her hair doesnt feel real, doesnt feel like a dream, just feels like physical sensations with no context. You dont feel women are geniune and you dont feel geniune with women. You all feel like its a play a charade, playing out your bodies as some kind of boy toy, being randomly born a boy and thus playing out a social role. This tendency to fight in war and violence demonstrates you never really took life seriously or being born a boy seriously, you dont care about your body's safety, that deep down you feel it is a charade a facade without substance.




« Last Edit: February 13, 2017, 04:03:17 pm by lord of the internet »

Satyr

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Ill say what you are. You are a malfunctioning asexual like tesla, too smart for your own good.
That's not "malfunctioning". That is being too functional in a malfunctioning society.
Being ill, and trapped in a hospital ward surrounded with morbidly sick zombies, looking for the way out in the basement, is being lost.

At this point his infection is what keeps the zombies from turning on him.

Remember that scene with Brad Pit in World War Z, where he has to infect himself to get by the zombie blocking the door?
that's his situation.
He's running around in a hospital ward, full of brain-dead zombies, looking for an antidote, but he survives by being sick himself, only he does not know this, because the dis-ease, in his case, the Christian variant/strain of Nihilism, is already affecting his mind.
so he feels fevered and like something is wrong with him, only he has no mind to evaluate his situation, to diagnose himself.
All he has is data....he collect information trying to find what is wrong with him.
When someone gives him a diagnosis he cannot accept anything that keeps his alive within the sanitarium, so he refuses to see Christianity as what it is, seeing in the half-breed, Christ, a version of himself - half-Nihilistic - Half-Pagan.
He want to make the dis-ease a version of his past health....you now when he was a boy and the illness had not yet taken effect.

He's stuck
How does he justify all the years he spent running around the hospital corridors looking for a antidote to save them all?
How does he admit that to himself?
He can't...so he continues to run aimlessly, looking in data for something, anything that might trigger something.
He does not know what it is, only that he feels it innately....existing, out there, somewhere.
Most of the time, under the dis'ease's inflection, he imagines it as being god.
Running around an insane asylum looking for something like a god - salvation. A solution to his predicament.
Other times he enjoys the running, for its own sake, and laughs at himself, reminding him of his past healthier self. 
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I suppose that's a good way of putting it. Kind of like how the insane are sane and the sane are insane. It's like if you scream at the top of your lungs that you want the freedom to drive, not be forced into a driverless car, they put you in the mental hospital. Or if you slam the table in front of some **** being passivee aggressive to you, and you threaten to punch the bullies nose, they call you crazy for refusing to take the bullies **** anymore...Nothing happens to the bully of course, you are the one who's "insane".

Its like how I cant get it up to a crackhead who's just using me for money, society tells me i need to listen to rap music, smoke weed and calm down and appreciate my blessings, that i should be grateful for having access to a female at all....that i should research alpha-male pickup tactics and dumb myself down and learn how to make conversation with commoners to "get laid' with people i can't relate to.

Arius Didymus

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Well,  this was a remarkably useless and sterile attempt on both your parts. Kinda guessed asking a Tranny,  and whatever the hell we can call Satyr,  wasn't going to go anywhere positive,  and as far as beating me down,  that wasn't very good. Far to civil,  and despite the absurdities of either of your logic,  too stereo typically reasonable. It's like talking to a shitfaced Doctor Phil,  thinking he is sober enough to make sense.

Yeah- I'm just gonna avoid a relationship till I move. This region is too **** cold, and the city is threatening to kidnap my **** truck in two weeks unless I make it dussapear. I can't legally take it on the road yet. Not really in a position to do anything relationship wise unless she was loaded with money,  and while rich women have come onto me in the past,  noticed they get oddly paranoid about money even if I mention nothing about money or ask for nothing (wasn't this case though).

I'm just gonna move south,  buy land,  import a Vietnamese or South American woman. I don't really have the time or patience to play the dating games,  or have a woman become suddenly disinterested in me,  wandering off,  and despite the massive occurance of 34+ women hitting on me constantly needing baby batter,  I would prefer having a woman for a few years first,  build a house in the country outside a city,  not have to worry about her suddenly walking off with a better deal.

That Christian-Consciousness or Zombie stuff is more about you than me. Christians aren't default tied down to monogamy,  that was a stoic system. We've allowed for other marriage patterns in the past,  including multiple marriages in Africa,  or like with Charlegmagne. Mistresses have always had a somewhat undercover support,  especially with the nobility. That was the Catholic church's position regarding Henry VIII,  just have a illegitimate child,  they would legitimize it. The mother would be a lady of the court. In some Catholic areas,  women are in charge of the household,  like in north eastern India. Muslims converting with multiple wives aren't necessarily required to give up on all wives.

We don't have a Jewish Karet system listing punishments for sex acts in Christianity proper like Judiasm dies other than to strongly say no. Nothing Jeszs said involved dragging faggots out into the street,  stoning them. We recognize validity of many pagan marriages, since Roman era.

Being a Christian doesn't warp the essence of the universe. I'm as human as you are. I'm mostly dealing with untrustworthy situations,  or questionable women. I try to to even combine the two. I backed out this time in regards to the latter position. She wasn't taking me seriously,  and I realised it wouldn't work out right now even if I went for it.

I noticed Arc PMed by banned account today. I like how I can recieve messages and not post. I always avoided her because we simply aren't compatible,  and circumstance was never right. Doesn't help her persuasive cause in never posting a pic. Looked at the site,  some stupid debate if I'm a crow or not,  or if she is a dog. She be far better off with a clean face,  slim body,  and shaking long hair than informing guys she wants who her spirit animal is. I have no intention of **** a wolf or dragon. Nothing is tangible. I don't go shopping in the neat department for blacked out plastic over meats. I want to see what I'm eating.

The only thing worst are the ones who show you,  it looks nice or doable at least,  then they prove rotten. I have no idea how to connect with a clueless woman who thinks hobbies are cats and music. I am doing that right now, butt ass naked in bed,  a cat next to me- and I'm replying here. That is no hobby.

But the only time a woman knows something us if she goes to college,  and my interests must align with her majors,  so I can recreate some scholastic discussion and state how awesome Noam Chomsky is,  followed up by eating organic food and reveling by smoking pot....

That's a retarded,  disturbing life. First off,  I don't teach in universities,  never will,  I take just one student at a time (that spot currently taken)  and don't follow modern curriculum,  but based on interpersonal dialogue.  The situation dictates the course,  each time. I would never offer a syllabus,  much lass Chomsky. Why waste learning time with ideas unrelated to the student's outlook and personally asked questions?

Secondly,  given my approach involves thinking original concepts,  oftentimes contradicting current theories,  or recommend less well known philosophers,  I'm not training someone to match academic standards. I look more to how philosophy was taught teacher to student,  how ideas morphed and carried on,  and try to simulate that range. Today,  any woman "educated" expects me to become a professor,  despite already having philosophy students,  and to be sterile minded fool at parties. I will say Derrida or Nietzsche so the fools can clap. Never mind my focus on ethics and psychology forces me far away from such settings. The other kind of women who is educated expects a priest or guru out of me. Never occurs that I want a complex woman,  not someone leaning on me for ideas,  but one I just have a deep infatuation in. I want my work respected,  not idolatized or disregarded as amature. I fully intend by time I'm done with life to have a dozen movies,  several books published,  lots of manuscripts floating around,  and several former students with their own students. I can't have one obstructing me,  nor can I have one too awed,  inflating my ego. I prefer one not involved in philosophy at all,  but fully supportive of me. I've had relationships with women nitpicking everything I do,  even if it is just giving money to a homeless guy. I don't like having to live a secret life,  disgruntled I gotta hide aspects to me. Hey,  if she wants me to wear a gorilla mask,  lubed my whole body up in olive oil,  and **** her to the theme song of Tarzan each night,  but keep that secret- yeah,  I will do that silly ****,  keep it secret,  but don't want to have to repress who I am. Too many women only see a man in category,  as a status. My life has been incredibly complex and risk taking. I'm not easy to confine. This is like guys only seeing women by beauty,  but some women are much more than just looks. I don't see women interested in deeper than skin,  or occupation.

I started just saying I'm stupid,  rude,  bad. I tell people I smell. It's too much to deal with superficial women. Am I a bad person?  **** yes,  I'm terrible. I'm also the best in the world,  and no women gets to learn this about me until they **** learn to pry. If none do,  I'm starting from scratch with a very effiminant Vietnamese girl.  Different culture,  they might not be complex intellects due to cultural conditioning,  but at least I don't gave to worry about the relationship being neglected,  that she will be there,  and happy with what I can offer. Learning English in the bedroom focuses on intimacy. My grandfather did that, married a Vietnamese woman,  wisest thing I ever saw,  was always happy. If I can't have a woman who gets me,  who gives a damn about me beyond superficial constructs,  then I can at least have one who cares for the relationship and is sincere about her role to me. I can do the same.

Today,  just too much shallow bullshit. No deep movements of the soul,  just a superficial connection till the next man on the buffet. They wonder why men cheat,  and why divorce happens so often. They are shallow know-nothing women. Even when on paper they should know,  they never do. Only ones who do are feminists, they are obsessed with abortions (don't discuss such things if your trying to interest me in knocking you up eventually)  or women's rights. I'm all for women's rights,  but they have the same rights as men at this point,  more actually. It's a null topic by default. Congradulations,  you have a ****,  can we discuss ideas that don't revolve around your vaginal awareness,  or syllogistic builds from it. Not everything for male philosophers are **** and balls. That's the only plus I give to Pandora,  is she tried talking about politics outside of feminism on occasion. Unfortunately it usually involved her hatred of muslims,  or people converting.... but that site is full of such fools. I'm not worried about Islam per say,  but jihadist of a few ideological strains. Stuff worst than Islam in the world,  they didn't even invent suicide bombing,  they adopted it from Mexicans.

Dammit,  I'm just gonna say **** it and get a Vietnamese woman. I'm not putting up with this **** anymore.

Arius Didymus

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And no,  not Aperio, but aperion.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apeiron_(cosmology)

In English,  we don't fancy **** the language up like when Sauwelios tried to make forum plural in "fora", instead of forums. You say Fora, you get your ass beat for talking like a Nancy ****.

ἄπειρον is how it is listed on wiki,  and I'm still easy confused when I see word endings change. All the graphs and rules I have aren't exactly easy to remember,  and to be damn honest,  I only know texts around the principate,  I tried Aristotle's works, and get completely stumped when words visually omit letters.

But with ἄπειρον, be it ἄπειρο or ἄπειρον, I know roughly what concept I'm dealing with. I can Google that **** if I don't,  usually figure it out even when the rule base is mystifying to me.

I'm typing in Korean right now,  on the side,  to see if I can learn to read this thing called The Thousand Character Classic, so I can use a language other than English when dealing with Asian philosophy on search engines. They have a whole other sort of mess,  it's a alphabet,  but compounds like Asian characters. I'm baffled  right now, but if I can learn the phonetic sounds, enough to sound it out, philosophy texts might be good bridge. I took a semester of japanese in high school. They have two alphabets, and a character system called Kanji. That **** was **** hard. Korean in theory looks simple.

 

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